Can't sleep....need to rant and be emo for a bit.
Journal Entry: Fri Jul 18, 2008, 3:08 AM
It's about 2:35 in the morning and I have a lot on my mind. Earlier today I was reading this pretty interesting webcomic, it was both funny and thought provoking, but something about it struck a cord with me and that is what has been keeping me up.
I'll admit I'm unique, just like everyone else, I stand out from a crowd and when I was young this was the reason my parents could pick me out from all the other kids; my red hair.
Now some of you will go "Ooo red hair!" then some of you will go. "Pfft, so?". But for me and probably everyone else whom has red hair, it has been a burden almost all my life.
Because according to the media I'm not pretty, I'm not desirable, I'm not what every Tom, Dick and Harry is looking for in a woman. They want the blondes, brunetts and black haired, exotic, beautiful woman, not someone whom is white as a sheet and covered in freckles.
I'll admit I'm not pretty or beautiful, nothing special really. Since I was young I have been contimplating dying my hair blonde or brown, maybe it was all the carrot tops, ginger, fire crotch remarks that I got throughout school. Maybe I thought that if I dyed my hair I could finally fit it, maybe if I do, I wouldn't be sitting here never been kissed, never had a real boyfriend, never gone out on a date and all that jazz.
Yeah I know I'll hear about it in the morning from my friends saying. "What do you mean your pretty." and "You don't need a guy, trust me.". I don't know about you but it irks me when they tell me this, this reassurance and false hope that I know isn't true. This coming from people whom have been kissed, whom has had boyfriends, whom have gone on dates and all that jazz. Yeah it's nice and all to tell me that it's not worth it, but let me make that choice, let me experiance the heartbreak and all that stuff that comes with having a relationship. If an any it happens at all, because compared to them, they are the ones that the guys are looking at when we walk through the mall, not me, them. Compared to them, I'm a league behind in everything. I'll also get that "You don't need a man to validate you." crap, yeah I probably don't, but it's nice to know that I attract someone aside from my "great personality", which has been the excuse that any guy I had a crush on would say. "Oh you have a great personality, but can we just be friends." trust me I heard them all and I'm sick of it, they say there is someone for everyone, but I'm starting to doubt it. I think by now, if a guy was to like me, I wouldn't notice because of doubts that if it was genuine or not, heart to harden over, that kind of crap.
-sigh- But you know what, whatever, tomorrow I'll probably get a phone call from my friends telling me this and that. Then I'll have to go back to pretending to be happy with my life beacause it's better for everyone else. Then as I go to the mall and watch every sick display of couples as they trot down the halls holding hands, making out and basically putting on a soft core porn act, I'll head to the nearest supermarket down to the beauty section and check out the prices and colour of some blonde hair dye, maybe then I'll feel better about myself.
- Mood:
Sarcastic - Listening to: stuff
- Reading: The Amber Spyglass
- Watching: Wall E
- Playing: The world ends with you
- Eating: My face
- Drinking: Liquids, because drinking solids would be har
Spidey Sense
